I’m writing this before my takeaway comes so hopefully I get to finish it or it’ll be a really crap post.

We’ve been planting a lot of the fruit and vegetables that we’re eating. It’s quite the obsession of my first born. Check out these weirdos. Impaled avocado, dead mouse lookalike mango and actually not that weird melon.

My smallest boy turned one at the start of this month. I made him a giant orange. I will say the effort:deliciousness ratio was excellent. In no small part due to the spherical pans I bought last year. I’m going to have to get one of the boys into some kind of sport to make use of the pans for birthday cakes and another glorious reason for that sport not to be rugby.

Apart from that all is quiet on the slightly less locked-down front. The terrible weather was actually kind of nice for a change but I think I’m starting to dislike the sun less than I used to. Awful pressure to be productive on a sunny day but also easier to get shit done on a sunny day. Lemons are yellow.

Speaking of sunny and lemons, one of my very favourite recipes that obliterates all the competition in the aforementioned effort:deliciousness ratio is homemade lemonade. You do need a food processor and the ability to chop a lemon but that is all it requires.

You will be needing,

Lemons                3, although as you can see from one of the photos below I didn’t have 3 lemons so I used a couple of limes. I dare say you could also substitute some of the lemon with a bit of grapefruit of orange but go heavy on the lemons if possible.

Caster sugar         140g

Water                     1litre

If you want to jazz it up after it’s made you could add mint leaves, slices of lemon or if you’re healthy some cucumber unpleasantness.

Right. To the recipe.

Take lemons and place on chopping board.

Using a knife chop each lemon into about 4-6 pieces, trying not to cut yourself. Do not peel them or de-pip them first.

Now.

Wrestle your food processor from a poorly organised cupboard or drawer. Plug it in.

Exhausting.

Put the lemons chunks into the food processor and add in the sugar.

Pay attention to the next bit. I’m not even taking the piss this time.

Add about 100ml of water to the food processor, No more. I did add almost all the water the first time I did it and to summarize the disaster we did not have a litre of lemonade to drink by the end of it.

Whizz the lemon mix till mixed peel sized pieces are formed.

Place a sieve over a large bowl and empty the contents of the food processor into it.

Pour the remaining water over the mush to wash all the lemony goodness through, smush it a bit to make sure.

That’s it. Forgot to take a photo of the finished thing but it looks like water but a bit yellower.

My charming husband just reminded me of his fantastically grown up behavior last night. He went to a free gaff with some of his buddies. Between our house and there he managed to lose both his phone and his keys.

Excellent.

I get a text from a friend’s number at midnight asking if I can leave a key out. I do. I get out of bed and despite every mind grinding paranoia I go downstairs and open the door to a bleak, storm strewn darkness to leave keys out for my dear husband.

When I come back in I notice the tit has left the keys in the lock. I feel so safe having him in my life.

I return to bed and try to overcome my mind packed with several scenarios of how someone obviously managed to get into the house while the keys were left in the lock and is waiting to kill me. I finally struggle back to sleep only to be joyfully roused once more by the sound of the doorbell at 2am.

2am.

Against my better judgement I allow him in, trying not to spit.

I return, again, to bed and fight my rage to get back to sleep.

3am dances around and I’m awoken by the elephantal chorus of snoring from downstairs. I went down and gave him a fairly ungentle awaking and that concluded my husbands last ever night out.

Happy fathers day.