I’m going to be honest. I’m only half paying attention to writing this week, Silent Witness is on and it’s fierce complicated.

In other news I got my keys. Genuinely and actually I got the keys. I am so overwhelmed by excitement and utter terror it’s amazing. The garden is lethal but potentially breathtaking. The house itself is so ugly that it comes back around to being beautiful again. I’m not one for vibes and the such but I feel content and safe when I’m there so I reckon that’s a good vibe. Eek.

Anyway, on a far less exciting note I made carrot cake this week. I told you I would and I wish I hadn’t. It’s fine like, but I just don’t understand what the obsession with poxy carrot cake is. I added a shag load of dark chocolate and subbed out normal sugar for muscavado but even after that monumental face lift it’s still nothing deadly. I’d eat some without making a negative comment if I was served it but I would do my best to avoid answering a host as to my thoughts on it.

Anyway, if you like carrot cake then I guess you should like this but you should also take a good, long look at yourself.

Oven temperature 180 Celsius

Carrot (grated)                              300g

Muscavado sugar                          200g

Cocoa powder                                2 tablespoons

Self raising flour                          190g

Ground cinnamon                       1 teaspoon

Eggs                                                  2

Olive oil                                           3 tablespoons

Cream                                              3 tablespoons

Dark chocolate (grated)             125g

I also made a cream thing to go with it: 250ml of cream whipped up with a teaspoon of caster sugar and then once it’s whipped add in 3 tablespoons of natural yoghurt.

Preheat the oven and line  23cm round tin. If you’ve forgotten how, that’s ok. Click here.

Now, to the meh cake.

Grate the poxy carrots. I did so in a food processor but failing that a hand grater would be perfectly fine but you’d better like carrot cake to make it worthwhile.

Put the grated carrot in a large mixing bowl and add in the sugar. Stir it a bit.

Sieve in the cocoa, flour and cinnamon then crack in the egg, add the olive oil and finally the cream.

Beat it all well with a big spoon. A whisk will make a terrible mess.

Lastly, throw in the grated chocolate – again I used the food processor to grate it.

Pour the batter into the prepared tin and into the oven with it. It should take about 35mins altogether but turn it around after about 20 to make sure it bakes evenly. It should be springy and a knife should come out clean. I think it’s nicer eaten a bit warm with the cream stuff but it is still carrot cake.

There you are. Proof that vegetables have no place in baking.