I’m not actually trying to base all of my posts on terrible and unappetizing photography but alas here we are again. A very wonderful buddy o’mine asked for some more family meal ideas. Let me tell you about my chops. To be honest I don’t even know what innuendo I’m aiming at but you decide.

I don’t like the fat on chops. Spending time and valuable patience rendering it and making it crunchy enough to warrant me loafing someone who is eating it seems pointless. As a result my chops are succulent but still flabby. I’m trying to get away from whatever this is sounding like. With very little preparation you will no longer subject your eaters to leathery chew toys of pork.

Urgh.

This week. My brain has liquefied. I ordered my tesco delivery, waited the two hours, began cursing their names, realised I had ordered it for the following day. Double, triple booking myself. Throwing couches off balconies. Filling my diesel jeep with unleaded. Taking the wrong keys with me in the morning so I lock myself out of my house and without car keys. Burning my tacos. Anyway, I’ve decided not to dwell. How grown up.

Ah go on, lets get back to my chops.

The key here is brining them. Get yourself a bowl big enough to hold a litre of water and however many chops you need.

Fill said bowl with a litre of warm water and add in two tablespoons of table salt and two tablespoons of brown sugar and stir till it’s all dissolved. Leave it to cool completely then pop in your chops.

Leave your chops to plump up in the brine for at least an hour but preferably the night before or morning of the day you’re going to cook them. If you are leaving them for more than an hour keep them in the fridge.

When you are satisfied with the brinedness drain them off, pat them dry and let them come more or less to room temperature. Feel free to cook them straight away.

I, being such a maverick, add another step. I shake garlic granules, oregano, smoked paprika and pepper over the chops. I leave the salt out till after cooking. But go nuts, sprinkle to your hearts content. I never plan far enough in advance to let those flavour marinade but if you have the time go for it.

To the cooking. Find a heavy based griddle pan and put it on a high heat. Wait till it’s almost smoking but not actually. Put in your chops, in a single layer and then leave them alone. Don’t push them. Don’t pull at them. After 5mins do touch them. Turn them over and then leave them alone again for about 3-4mins depending on the thickness of your meat. I almost always just by a 5 pack of crap quality supermarket pork chops. About 1.5cm thick. They take 8mins in total but I do use a meat thermometer to make sure everything has left the poisonous bracket, aiming for 71 degrees Celsius.

Remove them from the pan and wrap them in tin foil to keep them warm as they rest for about 5mins at least. Without resting they are nothing.

But that’s it. All jokes aside wait for your mind to be blown. I obviously forgot to take any cooked photos, these chops were for dinner. Dinnertime is not photo-time. But here is a very accurate photo of my sons.