FERGUS!! FERGUSSS! Hello. HHEEELLLOOOOOO! Fergus? You still there? Granted it took me longer than I thought, but I’ve done it. I’ve come up with/ adapted a great recipe for chocolate biscuit cake for you. I’ve slipped in and out of consciousness all day due to some obscene sugar highs and crashes. I’m only just surfacing from my most recent sugar coma. But I think it’s been worth it. This biscuit cake business is pretty damn tasty.

I don’t think I’ve ever made chocolate biscuit cake before for the record. On that matter what’s the difference between chocolate biscuit cake and rocky road? Marshmallows? Who knows. My particular take on the beast includes savoiardi biscuits (lady fingers to you and I) rather than digestives. This adaption, as with every addition, is based solely on the contents of the treats cupboard in my parents’ house. So I bring you;

Lady-finger, two-types-of-marshmallows, two-types-of-smarties dark chocolate biscuit cake.

I’m falling asleep again. How you toy with me sugar.

Ugh. This quantity makes a thick enough 22x22cm square slab of goodness.

I might also mention it’s adapted from a random recipe I found on the internet. I chose it because it had cream in it. I liked that. Figured it’d make the devil easier to cut.

Oh and we sold are house entirely and signed for our new one.

One final thing, I’m not one for plugging random products but I’ve been using Belcolade chocolate that I bought from Decobake. It’s deadly and works out at 86c per 100g. That’s not a million miles from own brand chocolate in supermarkets prices. Here’s the Decobake link and for the record I unfortunately have not been paid to tell you about this. Sigh.

Dark chocolate         250g

Butter                          100g

Golden syrup            2 tablespoons

Pinch o’ salt

Dash o’ vanilla essence

Random selection of nice things, I used two remarkably generous handfuls of marshmallows (mini ones and big flumps, cut in half), 12 savoiardi biscuits (roughly smushed with your hands), half a sharing bag of own brand smarties and two funsize boxes of mini smarties. But go nuts. Most anything would work.

Cream                          5 tablespoons

So find a tin, it doesn’t have to be 22 x 22cm but something similar would be ideal. You just don’t want the slab too thick. Line the base, at least, with clingfilm.

Measure the chocolate, butter, golden syrup, salt and vanilla essence into a heatproof bowl. I used a bain marie to melt all this goodness but you can always use the microwave in one minute bursts.

While that’s all melting get a large – I mean it – bowl and throw in all of your additions.

Back to the chocolate, once everything is perfectly melted together remove it from the heat and pour in the cream. Stir it altogether till everything is silky smooth and homogeneous.

Pour it over the other bits – in the BIG bowl- and stir it altogether.

Yum.

Empty it into your prepared tin and roughly flatten the top with the back of a spoon.

Into the fridge for and hour or two with it, till it’s solid.

Cut into pieces smaller than you want to and then eat more than you want to.

If you feel sick blame Fergus.

Thanks Fergus.

(store it in the fridge too)